Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
