is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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