I think I won the penis lottery.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
