I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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