I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
if i died would you start the facebook group?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
