I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
