is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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