What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
