The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
