we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize