I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
