I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
