A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
