It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
