guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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