I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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