Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
