im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
