Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
