Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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