Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
