There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
