he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
