she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
