as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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