i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you would pick up someone in the library
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
