I cannot find my penis.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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