I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
