Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
