I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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