U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
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I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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