she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
