there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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