the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you win again, gameday.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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