She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
