he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
