Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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