I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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