I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
