The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Holy shit dude........stairs
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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