I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
