yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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