my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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