Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
