im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
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I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
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There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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