I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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