Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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