I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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