gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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