just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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