Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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