meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
