their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Screwed.edu
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
