this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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