I think im going to throw up on grandma
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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