I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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