i permit you to call me
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
