What did we do last night that was yellow?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Dear god my vagina.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
