You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
