i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
