wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
