So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My ass is underappreciated
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Randomize
